Self Confessed

A post that I wrote in the past but never got to publication. But today here it is.

It is 22:37.

I just took a bath. What happened was a thought flashed across my mind like a gloomy ghost. The thought sped through every inch of my vein, burning my blood hot and making me almost unable to breathe. It was a terrible warning sign that something inside me was amiss. The culprit is -- the thought of guilt.

Another weekend is passing with no fruits. It's time to ask myself WHYs. The problem existed long before, but as now it explored, I need to deal with it head-to-head.

I feel guilty, and I think it's the right time to feel it, guilty of wasting time, guilty of staying put, guilty of spending most of my weekend on clicking web game instead of hitting books. Yes, I'm praying for mercy and lenity. It's my penitence. (Damn, I even need to look up the dic for this word, an implication that my pool of vocabulary is dwindling before I become aware of it.)

I look back, and find that I achieved almost nil during the past months.(Yes, I dare to say months) I vowed to give up X-world but failed altogether; I swore to read books every night but never really opened a single book; I made a solemn declaration that I would beef my muscles up but I kept getting skinny. What the heck was wrong with me? A mind with a weak power that could do nothing but 'make childish wishes'? I simply hate that.

I realize that I am now lost and completely in a sea. I let myself into a maze and cannot find a way out. Slack has somehow got into my body and occupied me in full. I got to take some actions before everything is too late.

I just read a book about the success of the CEO of Tencent. It inspired me that perseverance was the key to success. I once had some, but it seems that I am losing it now, real fast. It seems to me that I've stopped dead in my very way to higher achievement. I need to reverse the track that I'm taking.

I deeply know that a single blog piece would never be enough to revive my true self. But I think this is a good start to kick up some of my dormient persistence.

In the couple of days I will re-start my blog in an enthusiastic way. I will talk about the X-world, from a product manager angle. I will not indulge myself into it anymore. I will look at it more like a product than a game. I will start to analyze it instead of playing it headlessly.

Come back to yourself Dennis. The once top-of-the-world, knowledge-hungry man.

IT IS THE TIME.

Posted via email from Dennis & Zoe